My Random Minds

out of expectations, let it be a surprise!

everything

Banyak banget yang ada di pikiran gw.. banyak yang terjadi..
dan gw ga bisa merasa bahagia dengan apa yg ada sekarang.. what i want to do is just crying…
i think i almost forget the feel of being loved… or how he should do/act to someone he (said that he) loves.

I want to leave.. but I’m too scared.. scare of being abandoned.. of being alone.. of being unwanted..

God.. I’m sorry that i always make you sad.. and disappoint You… T_T

kelihatannya gw masih ga sanggup untuk nulisin semua perasaan gw.. karena cuma membuat hati semakin luka

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My 23 targets

what I want to do, to achieve before I turn 23 in this June :

1. stop working in my current job and start as freelance architecture journalist 

2. Send an application letter to BDP BCA

3.  Cook a lot of kind of food especially cheese cake and sushi

4. learn about 3d max rendering with vray and vray sketch up.

5. learn more about indesign and illustrator

6. do more  project as freelance architect.

7. start again as teacher for sunday school ( I miss those kids !)

8. set goal and focus in my life. seriously.. what kind of job do I want? as an archiect or not? I must be a strong will person and not easy to change my mind. 

9. leave that one bad behaviour. that one thing. and keep myself close to God.

Oh my… can I do all these things? number one is hardest for me. =(

God… please help me, You know all of my struggle. Let Your will be done.

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Thank you…. You taught me a lot of things

I don’t want to be sad or angry anymore … my journey with you has over. but the memories remain

for almost this 4 years… I’ve learned a lot of things.

and just for now I feel thankful for God has sent you into my life, to ever love me, to teach me, to be a good friend of me. Thank you

Thank you that you’ve taught me to smile in every kind of situation. You said that, why so serious? why you didn’t smile at all? so I learned to smile in any kind of situation start from now.

Thank you , you’ve taught me to differentiate love and lust. and make me know to never mix between two of it. to not involve lust into your relationship. that when a guy really love you, He will guide you, protect you, even from himself.

Thank you, you’ve taught me how to give, not only take.

Thank you, you’ve taught me how to save my money, to be humble. to think about my future.

Thank you, you’ve taught me how to be independent. to not dependent to the other, that the other may make me disappointed . to hold onto myself and God only.

Thank you, you’ve taught me that family is important, to take my time with my family.

Thank you, you’ve taught me how to love the rain, to not grumble in the rain,especially when I’m soak with my beloved one in the rain.

Thank you, you’ve taught me to keep trying and cheer my self whenever i get down

Thank you, you’ve taught me to be patient, and to be more mature.

Thank you, you’ve taught me that love may be forever, and to make it forever you have to give some effort.

Thank you, you’ve taught me to not take granted of love. that love may disappear when you feel too comfort to make some effort.

Thank you,most of all, that you’ve ever love me deeply, then hurt me. it makes me know how to love better. So I could be a better person to a person that God has prepared for me.

there are a lot of things that made me regret. but I’m not regret to love you.to ever know you…

so then… if someday you could read this post… I just want you to know that you’re a great man. a kind hearted man deep down in yourself.

and i just wish… that at that time you read this post, you’re already forget all those bad memories. all the pain.

and if God has a big plan for us, when we meet again, I’ll wave and you’ll smile.

PS : when i wrote this post, rain came down. I always remember when the first time you told me that you love rain. since then, every time rain comes down, I’ll think of you….

aah… when we’re in a taxi to Pondok Indah Mall, rain also fell down… remember? maybe because of that you could hold my hand, because it became very cold inside the taxi… thanks to rain.. thanks to God for the unexpected love I’ve experienced….

Hope you’re always happy… =)

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I love you

I can’t say it directly to you… but i know right now i want to say it… 

I love you…. How are you? hope you’re fine. and happy.. just a few days more to Christmas…

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Misfits’ destiny

let it be.. if i have to let you go now, i will.. maybe some day.. we’ll meet again as a better person , new stranger.

HeartWalks

If you and I were pretending
from the start,
playing on these hearts
we should walk apart.
We won’t fit.
Even if we endeavored a fortnight,
in these rough seas,
what is doomed is
a second too late for the fairy tale destiny.
Standing with our backs to each other
at this junction,
you take a right
I’ll take a left.
We will go our own ways..
For now let’s traverse other streams.
The world is a round place
mayhap we shall meet once more.
I’ll wave, you’ll smile.
If it is written in the stars
In that moment we will so realize.
Till then
just let it be.

——————–

HeartWalks

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the last time

maybe one year , two year, or three year later that this could happen….

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I’ve got to be strong

i hope.. i could be stronger… maybe someday could understand what is moving on

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six degrees of separation The Script

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I’m restless

God… I wanna rest in You.. I want to hear Your voice…

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someday, it will be okay

Someday, I will be stronger to write about all of this memories, about you.

not today.

but day by day I’m sure that God strengthen me… He give me the joy inside my heart day by day.. slowly but sure.

Someday, i will be able to call your name without feeling hurt.

i will be able to come to places we’re going together without remember those memories anymore.

Someday, you’ll fade away from my heart and from my mind.

Someday. i’ll smile when i say goodbye.

or someday, i’ll smile when i say hello again.

someday, it will be okay, and i will be a better person.

thanks to you, that God use you to make me better person.

God loves me more… that’s why He want me become stronger and mature.

He want me to get closer with Him.. so do you… God loves you too… and He want you to get closer with Him…

Someday… I believe.. in God’s time =)

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